On Wednesday night’s episode of “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert hosted the “Colbert Survey,” featuring an all-star cast of guests to answer questions.
Journalist John Dickerson introduced the guests, and Billy Crystal was the first to step up to bat. He asked Colbert, “What’s the best sandwich?”
A tomato sandwich was Colbert’s favorite summer snack, but he added, “For the rest of the year, wherever I am, I’ll have warm pastrami on rye with a little mustard, and if the guy behind the counter likes it, a little coleslaw. If it’s not a kosher deli, I’ll give him a little Muenster.”
Josh Brolin then came in and asked Colbert, “What’s your scariest animal?” Colbert replied, “The scariest animal to me is the trapdoor spider. There’s very little sand, there’s nothing wrong with it. When it comes out, it pulls you back in. And here’s what’s even scarier than that, Josh Brolin. Scientists named it the trapdoor spider after me.”
Before leaving, Brolin presented Colbert with a ship in a bottle. The words “May you always be able to glide through the sometimes turbulent waters of life” were engraved on it.
Martha Stewart went after Brolin. She asked Colbert if he liked apples or oranges. Colbert replied, “You can’t put peanut butter on an orange, so I’m going to risk the wrath of the Seraphim and say I’m going to bite into an apple.”
Next up was Mark Hamill. He asked Colbert, “Have you ever asked anyone else for an autograph?” Colbert admitted that he once asked Steve Martin for an autograph during an appearance on The Colbert Report.
“As part of that, we talked about the painting and added a little cutout of Steve’s head to the painting,” Colbert recalls. “After the show ended, I said, ‘Can you sign this for me?'” He signed it over his face, and I framed it. ”
A little later, Ben Stiller joined the show and asked Colbert about his first memory. Colbert said it stems from her childhood in Washington, D.C.
“I was born in Washington, D.C.,” Colbert said. “I remember. I remember my mother wearing her hair in a little scarf and climbing on a short ladder. Either she painted her bedroom brown and it was blue, or it was blue and she painted it brown.”
Then along came Aubrey Plaza. She asked Colbert to choose a cat or a dog. Colbert answered with one word: “Dog.”
Shortly after, Robert De Niro came along. The two-time Oscar winner asked Colbert, “What’s the number I have in mind?” Colbert guessed three. De Niro quipped, “Okay, I thought it was 2.5 million. That’s the number of Epstein files that Trump hasn’t released yet.”
Other guest stars include Weird Al Yankovic, Jim Gaffigan, Tiffany Haddish, Colbert’s wife Evelyn, Amy Sedaris, James Taylor, and Jeff Daniels.
The final episode of “The Late Show” will premiere on Thursday, May 21st. The guests for the final episode of the series have not yet been revealed.
