Nikki Glazer returned to the Golden Globes stage with a cutting monologue attacking Leonardo DiCaprio, the Epstein file and CBS News. She came out of the gate addressing one of the year’s biggest stories in Hollywood.
“Let’s get down to business. We’re starting the bid for Warner Bros. at $5. You hear $5?” Glaser said, to loud applause, referring to Netflix’s $82.7 billion bid to acquire the legendary studio.
The joke started with a nod to the Epstein files (“So many A-listers, and by A-listers I mean the people on the heavily edited ‘A-list’. The Golden Globe Award for Best Editing goes to…the Department of Justice!”) and ended with a critique of the network that broadcasts Kudocast (“Most editing awards go to CBS News. Yeah. CBS News: America’s Newest Place to Watch BS News”). Recently, new editor-in-chief Bari Weiss made headlines for removing a segment on “60 Minutes” about the United States sending deportees to prisons in El Salvador.
Early in the monologue, Glazer singled out George Clooney for a very specific investigation. “I’ve always wanted to ask you something, and I know it’s rude, but I may never have the chance again, so I’ll say this. My Nespresso always ends up watery,” she said. “Do you think it’s the filter? Can you help me troubleshoot it?” Clooney chimed in, keeping a straight face.
She then turned her attention to “One Battle After Another” nominee Leonardo DiCaprio. “What an amazing career I’ve had,” she said. “Countless iconic performances. You’ve worked with all the great directors, won three Golden Globes, and one Oscar. What’s most impressive is that Girlfriend was able to accomplish it all before she turned 30.”
Acknowledging the lack of originality in the punchline, Glaser added, “Leo, I’m sorry for the joke. It’s cheap. I tried not to say it, but, well, we don’t know anything else about you. Nothing else. Open it up! I’m serious! I looked it up! I looked it up! The most in-depth interview you’ve ever had was in Teen Beat magazine in 1991. Is your favorite food still ‘pasta, pasta, whatever?’ pasta? ”
Glazer spotlighted Dwayne Johnson from “Smashing Machines,” saying, “The Rock is nominated tonight, and luckily for him, his TV show ‘The Paper’ isn’t nominated, so he might win.” After a laugh from the crowd, she added, “That’s fun.”
Sitting nearby was Johnson’s Jumanji co-star Kevin Hart, whom Glazer said were their “favorite comedy duo.” Then followed the punchline: “You guys are like Steve Martin and Martin Short to people with an IQ of less than 50.”
Glazer also highlighted the cast of The White Lotus, saying season 3 of the HBO vacation drama is “the first hit show to feature incest since Season All of Them.”
Glazer’s highlight reel delves into other celebrities in attendance: Sean Penn resembles a “sexy leather handbag.” Timothée Chalamet “gained over 60 ounces” for his role in Marty Supreme. To her mother, Jacob Elordi and Paul Mescal are the same person. And Steve Martin and Martin Short continue to prove that in this industry, you’re never too old to still need money!
Glazer made his Golden Globe hosting debut in 2025 and was quickly rehired after his edgy but not over-the-top jokes about Wicked’s gay fan base and Stanley Tucci’s Freak Off were well-received by the star crowd and domestic viewers.
In November, Glazer hosted “Saturday Night Live” and is co-writing and starring in a new romantic comedy produced by Judd Apatow. She also has a Hulu comedy special scheduled for release in 2026.
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