What you need to know
Scheana Shay has opened up about her decision to focus her energy on strengthening her friend group and cultivating relationships in her life that “feel mutually supportive and grounded.”
She delved into the topic on the Jan. 9 episode of her podcast, Scheanagans with Scheana, saying that among her many friends, she “always felt a responsibility to stay close to everyone, to stay in touch with everyone, to make sure they were available and that no one felt forgotten.” “It’s hard because when you’re busy, you start to feel overwhelmed pretty quickly,” she admitted.
Shay, 40, has since learned that “balance doesn’t mean giving everyone equal energy.” Instead, she said she believes it means “giving intentional energy to people who are participating as well.”
With this new shift in mindset, she no longer manages her friendships “out of obligation” but leans toward mutually beneficial and supportive relationships.
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“At this stage in my life, I’m choosing to be more protective of my time and energy. I’ve finally learned what boundaries are,” she explained. “And that doesn’t mean I’m devaluing people. It’s just that I’m being more careful about where I invest, and I’m making sure those relationships feel interactive rather than draining.”
“It was very freeing for me,” she added.
Shay said she has two special friends, Maddie and Kristy, with whom she has been spending “the most time” lately. “This past year, away from the show, I’ve gotten really close with them. We took a trip to New York, and we really, really bonded. We all have the same attachment style,” she shared. “We all have similar goals and interests in life, and those are very positive lights in my life.”
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“I have a lot of mom friends that I met through my daughter’s (Summer Moon) kindergarten,” she continued. “It’s allowed me to be in this positive space that I’m in right now, because it’s really you who you surround yourself with. And I choose to surround myself with women who uplift me and make me feel good about myself, rather than people who make me feel like I have to walk on eggshells.”
Shay spoke about his friendship status with his former VPR and The Valley castmates, saying he is still “good friends with all of them.”
“I talked to Brittany (Cartwright) the other day. I talked to Janet (Caperna) yesterday. I’m meeting Michelle (Sanniei) for dinner on Thursday. Jasmine (Good) and I are hanging out together. Zach (Wickham), Kristen (Doute), we just talked. So they’re all still my friends,” she said.
“They’re all very relevant to my life, and what the future holds for The Valley and me is up in the air,” Shay said, also mentioning a possible guest appearance on a future Bravo reality show. “But I just needed some time away for myself, and I think the time away from the show has been very therapeutic for me.”
Shay shared advice on how to achieve “quality over quantity” in friendships, explaining that “clarity” comes from observing who is there not only in the “good times,” but also in the “more difficult seasons.”
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“And for me, it’s about paying attention to how I feel after an interaction. It’s the question of, did I feel supported or did I feel drained, criticized, or have to act out?” she added.
“As I get older, as you know, I’m 40 years old and I’m going to turn 41 this year, I really value depth over access, and I don’t think you need a big circle,” Hsieh said. “I need a few people I can completely trust who will celebrate my wins without jealousy and stand by my losses without judgment. … The smaller your circle becomes, the clearer it becomes who really belongs in it.”
