In her new memoir, “Evil” star Star Cynthia Erivo, 38, reveals that she was abandoned by her father when she was a teenager.
“When I was 16, we had an argument over my transport pass and he left me alone at a London Underground station,” she writes. “Simply More: A book for people who have been told they are doing too much.”” (Flatiron Books, on sale today) They haven’t spoken since.
After years of desperately trying to prove her worth to him, she finally made peace with his breakup.
“I realized that he was never meant to be a father,” she wrote.
Erivo is close to her mother and sister, but said it took her some time to accept that she was gay.
It’s “an area we’re still navigating,” the Tony Award winner wrote. As a teenager, she realized she was attracted to both men and women, but in high school she developed a crush on another girl and panicked back into the closet.
It wasn’t until she entered drama school that she started asking trusted friends “a little bit about how I was feeling.”
Erivo has been dating actress and producer Lena Waithe since 2022, but at the time he was only dating men.
“I don’t think I dated a woman until my late 20s,” she writes.
The “Genius: Aretha” star slowly started “understanding who I am and accepting myself. To fully own myself.”
However, she had to act carefully with her family.
“My queerness goes against what many people think is right and right,” she writes. “I think my mom cares about what other people think…I see her trying to reconcile the ideas she had in her head with the plans she had for me, and then trying to let go of those plans. I know this is hard.”
The Oscar nominee said it “took even longer” for her sister to accept Erivo’s sexuality. “But we’ve recently overcome some bumps in the road and are finding our way together.”
Erivo publicly came out as bisexual in a 2022 interview with British Vogue, admitting that it took her a long time to come out.
“(LGBTQ+ people) still feel the constant need to justify why we deserve to be treated as equals. The only real difference is that we love differently and express ourselves differently,” she said.
Being abandoned by her father left an indelible scar on her.
Years ago, she was performing at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles. At the last minute, her manager at the time brought some random friends to watch her rehearse.
She exploded in anger. “I was furious. I don’t think I’ve ever had an emotional outburst like that before or since. To be honest, it scared me too. I completely blacked out with anger.”
Friends diffused the situation, the manager left, and she never saw him again. He sent her an email of resignation and condemnation.
As her book’s subtitle says, Erivo is well aware that she can be “too much” for some people, but she must be true to herself.
She admits that “being your most authentic self every hour, every day” is hard, but it’s “the most rewarding way to live.”
