Lukas Gage is living his real authentic life like never before.
“I wrote this for attention,” the openly gay 30-year-old actor, best known for roles such as “The White Lotus,” “You” and “Companion,” says in his new memoir.
He writes frankly and humorously about his traumatic childhood, substance abuse, STDS, checks to mental health treatment centers, and his short-lived marriage to celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton.
“I’m modest,” Gage says in a Zoom video interview from the offices of publisher Simon & Schuster in New York City. “I probably say too much, but I love memoirs where they overshare and maybe cross the line, but they invite people to have conversations about things that can be taboo.”
That includes revealing his borderline personality disorder diagnosis. “It’s so stigmatized and perceived so negatively, but after Julia Fox and a few other artists I looked up to talked about it, I was so inspired. “I felt like I was hidden away and filled with shame. The hardest thing for me to talk about was the shame related to my sexuality and the shame related to my mental health stuff. And when I talk about it, I feel like I’ve already had a moment where I talk about it.”
Regarding his ill-fated romance with Appleton – Kim Kardashian officiated their wedding in Las Vegas – Gage said, “If I’m completely transparent, it was a much harder thing for me to talk about than my mental health and my sexuality, my addictive behavior and my family.”
Gage grew up in San Diego. He and his two brothers were raised by their mother after their parents divorced and their father started another family with his new wife. Gage’s acting career began when he was 18 years old. His big break was in the first season of ‘White Lotus’.
But it was Gage’s off-camera turn off during the filming of “The White Lotus” that first brought him international headlines. In 2020, he released a video from his Zoom audition. Meanwhile, director Tristram Shaperollo was unaware that the actor could be heard criticizing his apartment for not being on mute.
Read below for an exclusive excerpt from “I Thiod for Tocestion.” Gage details his decision to release audition footage on social media.
Excerpt from “I wrote this for attention” by Lukas Gage. Copyright©2025 by Lukas Gage. Simon & Schuster, Inc. Reprinted with permission.
Auditioning is the most fucked up thing an artist can do. You usually handed out some paper the night before and at 9am the next morning with some charisma that was expected to sell your soul. In preschool, it meant submitting to a holding pen in your competition. Some are hotter, taller, or more experienced. In fact, you might be their rough draft.
Now we all missed that room. At least I didn’t have to worry about all the technical issues of virtual meetings.
So sitting down with my castmates, it felt natural for me to show
Those are audition videos. I was expecting some laughs. It has come. What I didn’t expect was how much it hit home.
“I can’t believe you have a documented moment of how you can handle a terrible actor,” said Molly Shannon.
“I wanted to post it, but do I want it to be canceled?”
“Why is it being canceled?” someone asked.
“Or blacklisted? I don’t know. I don’t want to ruin a guy’s life, do I?”
We talked all night, and I got the feeling that I was staring at the edge of a cliff, trying to decide if I had a ball to jump.
Outside, the sound of waves crashing gently on the shore began to feel like they were giving birth to me. Maybe I should write a draft of something to post. I just cosplay a little bit and get everything out of my system.
I started typing heartfelt messages full of phrases like “Shed Light.” Then I deleted it all. It didn’t feel right. It felt too earnest, too cheap, too disingenuous. So I let my instincts guide me.
PSA if you talk shit make sure to mute your shit on zoom mtgings
It was a little too strong, but fuck it, I said to myself.
Tweet. copy. paste. post.
I sat in bed and listened to the waves become more violent. It’s like they said you’re such a fucking idiot. you shouldn’t have done that.
I threw the phone at the foot of the bed. For 5 minutes I stayed there. Naked, the covers bunched under me, my head peeking into the mattress, and I stayed for the worst. But my phone was silent.
Maybe this is okay. This will be a fun reminder to try to make this process a little easier for actors. I kept repeating it before I finally fell asleep.
“Where have you been?” Phoebe yelled to me on the phone when I woke up a few hours later.
“What do you mean? I was asleep.”
“Lucas, did you just drop the most insane viral video and go to sleep?”
“what?”
“What did I do? What are you going to do?”
“This is amazing,” she said. “Joe Jonas has given you his full support.”
“Wait, really? It’s hot.”
“Yeah! You should listen to me. This is good. You’re like totally viral.”
“But what if I don’t want to go viral?”
“Why wouldn’t you want to go viral? Especially for something so funny.”
“oh dear….
“Why would they do that? They love you and they hate him.
It’s a non-conflict situation. ”
“Exactly what I don’t like about it. This is getting too out of hand. I posted it to make it funny and now people are going crazy.
“Relax. You didn’t name him. And you didn’t do anything wrong. You posted a funny audition tape.”
“I don’t want to be known as the guy on the viral audition tape for the rest of my career.”
“Lucas. People don’t have the attention span to care about anything for as long as a day. Enjoy your moment in the sun and enjoy the literal sunshine in Hawaii.”
My phone was practically a vibrator, constantly buzzing with notifications. Every second brought another text, call, or email.
For the first few minutes I was excited. My whole life felt like there was a primal itch that had finally been scratched. Every ping was a tiny acknowledgment. Praise was coming from everywhere. The MacFarlanes of the Moon, the Jonas Brothers, people I never thought existed. Strangers all over the world congratulated me on how composed, strong and brave I was. In my heart of hearts, did I believe these things were true? Well, no, but –
Then the all-consuming terror began.
I was petrified that they were going to reveal the “truth”. I didn’t know exactly what the “truth” was.
When I returned to the set, the actors were supportive and happy to see me. Some were proud. I avoided producers like the plague considering we were in a real plague.
Familiar lights and sounds should feel like everyday life. But they didn’t. All I can imagine was the discussion they had after work about what my responsibilities were. I knew they were going to fire me and find someone else to eat his ass on camera.
I looked at myself in the mirror and did that cliché “splash in your face” after something truly traumatic has happened. It didn’t help, it just broke my airpods.
I also received messages from other producers and directors. Apparently all Brits sound the same? Because they all asked me to confirm that it wasn’t them and they didn’t deserve to be canceled. I answered some of their requests to confirm who it wasn’t. But that only set off a chain reaction from strangers demanding I say who it was.
This must be what real famous people are like, I thought. So I went to the most reliable celebrity available to me, Jennifer Coolidge.
“What did I do, Coolidge?” I asked, cornering her at the breakfast bar.
Then she stepped away from the pressed mercy juice and gave me the best advice I’ve ever gotten. Words that have lived on ever since.
“Who cares?!” she said, looking at me with a cheeky, conspiratorial smile. who cares? ! It was like she handed me the meaning of life. And in that moment, God, I believed it.
The next day I told myself I wasn’t going to check my phone. That I surrender myself to the universe, or whatever that means. I was sitting on a chair on the beach when my phone rang. unknown number.
I ignored it.
Then it rang again. Same number. And again.
And again –
“Yes? Hello? What do you want?” I said.
“Lucas, this is covid compliance. You have tested positive. For the next 14 days you will be self-quarantine and have no contact with anyone.”
Fuck. I went viral. Also.
