“Saturday Night Live”‘s cold open took aim at Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth’s bravado as the U.S. goes to war with Iran, and Kristi Noem, who was fired from the Department of Homeland Security after a series of missteps.
Colin Jost plays a feisty Hegseth holding a press conference to discuss increased U.S. military action in Iran. Jost’s Hegseth was typically combative with a press corps made up almost entirely of young white men wearing skinny ties.
Jost entered with all his WWE bravado, wearing his signature blue suit and American flag pocket square. He touted the success of the US mission. “We’re treating Iran like a breathalyzer in my car and blowing it up to the hilt,” Jost said.
Jost’s Hegseth was furious when fake reporters called last week’s events a war. “This is an emergency. This is not a war,” he said, using racy language to describe the military tactics used in Iran.
“We’re just hooking up. If we’re doing well, we’ll keep going, and if we get bored, we’ll start hooking up with Cuba,” Jost’s Hegseth said. When asked by a reporter if the United States was prepared to put its boots on the ground in Iran, Yost’s Hegseth said the boots would actually be “your mother’s next to my bed after I hit her.”
Jost’s Hegseth criticized the media, taunting him: “You guys are playing chess, I’m playing Grand Theft Auto.” “
He then declared himself a “white Hamilton” and changed the lyrics to one of the popular musical’s most famous lines. “Just like in my country/I’m drunk and angry and excited/And they made me ditch the scotch.”
Jost’s Hegseth then presented Padilla’s Noem as someone who had been “reassigned under the bus.” Noem, of Padilla, took to the stage and declared, “I was not fired. I voluntarily deported.”
The skit also criticized the former North Dakota governor’s tendency to appear on camera in an extravagant manner. “As I told my plastic surgeon, the work is never done.” “It’s time to turn in your badge, your gun, your lips, your eyelashes, your teeth, your forehead.”
The skit poked fun at Noem’s infamous confession in her autobiography that she once shot her dog (“I’m 100% missing out on the dogs I didn’t shoot”) and took aim at rumors that the married Noem had a close relationship with Trump aide Corey Lewandowski.
Padilla’s Noem noted that she plans to move into a new role as head of the Shield of the Americas organization, which was founded by Trump. She said the new office is “in a WeWork space outside of Denver, which is great.”
The March 7th episode of “Saturday Night Live” will be the fourth time actor Ryan Gosling has hosted the show. Musical guests include British band Gorillaz, led by Blur frontman Damon Albarn. This will be the band’s first appearance on SNL.
“SNL” will be Gosling’s promotional platform for his latest movie, Amazon MGM’s sci-fi blockbuster “Project Hail Mary,” which will be released on March 20th. Gosling last hosted “SNL” on April 13, 2024.
