Sidney Sweeney faced a lot of backlash in 2025, and Nikki Glaser was ready to rub salt into the wound.
The comedian revealed a cruel side about the actress she would have played during her 2026 Golden Globes monologue if Sweeney had been in Sunday’s star-studded audience.
“Tonight is a night of celebration, but we can’t ignore the fact that these are strange times in Hollywood,” Glaser began the joke during Tuesday’s appearance on SiriusXM’s “The Howard Stern Show.”
“People don’t just go to the theater to see something. Believe it or not, there was a movie this year where Sidney Sweeney played a lesbian who just jumped around in tiny panties for two hours and made $14.”
Glazer, 41, was referring to Sweeney’s box office flop, “Christie,” the biopic of iconic boxer Christy Martin, in which the blonde bombshell was transformed beyond recognition.
Among the other A-listers who were ultimately saved from Glazer’s grueling set were Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, Julia Roberts and Jonathan Bailey.
If the 62-year-old Pitt had been there and been nominated for a role in the racing movie “F1,” Glazer said, “When men turn 60, they play race car drivers. Whereas after 35, all the women play are tired mothers who hate their lives.”
The two-time Golden Globes host continued, “Brad, you were so good when I was sure you’d driven yourself somewhere in the last 30 years. But there were a lot of scenes in the movie where Brad drove himself. And Brad, I hate to get you into trouble, but your turn signal was on the entire time.”
As for Penn, who was in attendance, he was easily forgiven since the only stray dog he caught was only chastised for looking like a “sexy leather handbag.”
Glazer said she and her team came up with several jokes about the “One Battle After Another” star and decided to stick with them because “I didn’t want to offend him.”
She said the joke she would have made about the Golden Globe nominations was, “Sean Penn is nominated tonight. I think he has the best neck veins?” and “Two of Hollywood’s hardest working actors are here tonight: Sean Penn’s lower eyelids.”
“Wicked” star Jonathan Bailey is another star who almost died without attending the ceremony, but if he had attended, he would have joked that he was named People magazine’s 2025 Sexiest Man Alive.
“Jonathan is the first openly gay man to be named People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. And at first I thought, did I really need to say ‘openly’? Then I looked at the list of past winners and thought, ‘Oh, yeah, yeah.'”
Glazer revealed that the last star to be cut from the monologue was Julia Roberts. She says that’s because the Pretty Woman star is “untouchable.”
“This is a joke I wrote about[Roberts]that I thought was literally going to get tarred and feathered after the show,” she told Stern. “Julia Roberts was nominated for “After the Hunt.” I don’t know what it was, but I think it was a search to find people who saw it.”
Despite these cuts, Glazer criticized several celebrities throughout the show, including criticizing Leonardo DiCaprio for his history of dating younger women and Timothée Chalamet for his skinny stature.
