Lukas Gage lives his true and authentic life like never before.
The openly gay 30-year-old actor best known for “The White Lotus,” “You,” and “Companion,” tells all of his new memoirs that “I wrote this for attention.”
He writes frankly humorously about his traumatic childhood, substance abuse, STDS, checks at mental health treatment centers, and his short-lived marriage to celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton.
“I’m modest,” Gage says in a Zoom video interview from the office of Simon & Schuster, a New York City publisher. “I’m probably going to say too many things. But I love the memoirs they overshare and possibly cross the line, but they invite people to have a conversation about possible taboos.”
That includes revealing his diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. “It’s been very condemned and very negatively perceived, but after Julia Fox and a few other artists I looked up to talk about it, I was very inspired. “I felt like I wasn’t covered in embarrassment and was hidden and filled with embarrassment. The hardest thing I could talk about was the shame related to my sexuality and the shame related to my mental health stuff. And when I talked about it, I thought there was already a moment when I talked about it.”
On an unfortunate romance with Appleton – Kim Kardashian hosted a wedding in Las Vegas – Gage said, “If I’m completely transparent, it was much more difficult for me to talk about my mental health and my sexuality, addictive behavior and my family.”
Gauge grew up in San Diego. He and his two siblings were raised by their mother after their parents divorced and their father started another family with their new wife. Gage’s acting career began when he was 18 years old. His big break was his first season of “White Lotus.”
However, Gauge turned off the camera while filming “The White Lotus” first made him an international headline. In 2020, he released a video from Zoom Audition. Meanwhile, director Tristram Shei Ploro realized that he could hear the actor criticize his apartment for not being in mute.
Read below to see an exclusive excerpt from “I Thiod for Tocestition.” Gage details his decision to release audition footage on social media.
Excerpted from Lukas Gage’s “I Written This for Notice.” Copyright©2025 by Lukas Gage. Simon & Schuster, Inc. Reprinted with permission.
Auditions are the most insane things an artist can do. You usually gave you some papers at 9am the night before and the next morning, with the charisma that was expected to sell your soul. Preschool, that meant submitting to Holding Pen in your competition. Some are hotter, taller, or even more experienced. In fact, you could be their rough draft.
Now we all missed that room. At the very least, we didn’t have to worry about all the technical issues with virtual meetings.
So I sat with my castmate and it felt natural to show
They are audition videos. I was hoping for some laughs. That’s it. What I didn’t expect was how much it went home.
“I can’t believe you have a documented moment of how you can treat a terrible actor,” Molly Shannon said.
“I wanted to post it, but do you want it to be cancelled?”
“Why is it cancelled?” someone asked.
“Or are you on the blacklist? I don’t know. I don’t want to ruin a man’s life?”
We talked all night and I got the feeling that I was staring at the edge of the cliff, trying to decide if I had a ball to jump.
Outside, the sound of waves gently collided on the coast, beginning to feel like they were giving birth to me. Maybe I should write a draft of something to post. I’ll just take everything out of my system with just a little cosplay.
I started typing heartfelt messages full of phrases like “Shed Light.” Then I deleted it all. That didn’t feel right. It felt too serious, too cheap and too dishonest. So I made my instincts lead me.
PSA If you’re talking about shit, make sure you mute your shit with Zoom mtgings
It was a little too strong, but fucking it, I told myself.
Tweet. copy. paste. post.
I sat in the bed and listened to the waves becoming more violent. It seems they said you’re such a shitty idiot. You shouldn’t have done that.
I threw the phone at the foot of the bed. I stayed there for 5 minutes. Naked, the covers were tied underneath me, my head peering into the mattress, staying in the worst case scenario. But my phone was silent.
This is probably fine. This will be a fun reminder to try and make this process a little easier for actors. I continued to repeat it before I finally fell asleep.
“Where were you?” When I woke up a few hours later, Phoebe cried out to me over the phone.
“What do you mean? I was asleep.”
“Lucas, have you just fallen asleep after dropping the most insane viral video?”
“what?”
“What did I do? What are you going to do?”
“This is amazing,” she said. “Joe Jonas has given you full support of him.”
“Wait, really? It’s hot.”
“Yeah! You need to listen to me. This is a good thing. You seem totally viral.”
“But what happens if you don’t want to go viral?”
“Why don’t you want to go viral? Especially for something very interesting.”
“oh dear….
“Why would they do that? They love you, they hate him.
It’s a conflict-free situation. ”
“I just don’t like it. It’s too out of hand. I posted it to make it interesting, and now people are crazy.
“Relax. You didn’t name him, and you did nothing wrong. You posted an interesting audition tape.”
“I don’t want to be known as the guy on viral audition tapes for the rest of my career.”
“Lucas. People don’t have the attention to anything, as long as a day. Enjoy your moments under the sun and enjoy the literal sunshine of Hawaii.”
My phone was essentially a vibrator and was constantly bustling with notifications. Every second brought another text, phone, and email.
For the first few minutes I was excited. My life felt like there was a primitive itch that had finally been hurt. All the pings were small approvals. The praise came from everywhere. McFarlane of the Moon, the Jonas brothers, people I never thought existed. Strangers from all over the world congratulated me on how I composed, strong and brave I was. In my heart, did I believe these things were true? Well, no, but –
Then the whole consumption horror began.
I stoned what they were going to reveal the “truth.” I didn’t know exactly what the “truth” was.
When I returned to set, the actor was supportive and happy to meet me. Some were proud of it. Given that we were in the actual plague, I avoided producers like the plague.
The familiar lights and sounds should feel like everyday. But they didn’t. All I can imagine was a discussion of what responsibility I was after work. I knew they were going to fire me and find someone else to eat his ass on camera.
I stared at myself in the mirror and “splashed over your face” the cliche after something truly traumatic happened. That didn’t help, it just broke my airpod.
I also received messages from other producers and directors. Does it seem that all British people sound the same? Because they all asked me to make sure it wasn’t them and they didn’t deserve to be cancelled. I answered some of their requests and saw who it was. But it only triggered a chain reaction from strangers and demanded me to say who it was.
I thought this must be what the real famous people look like. So I went to Jennifer Coolidge, the most trusted celebrity I have available.
“Coolidge, what did I do?” I asked, cornering her at the breakfast bar.
She then left the pressed juice of mercy and gave me the best advice I ever got. A word that I’ve lived ever since.
“Who cares?!” she said looking at me with a cheeky, conspiratorial smile. Who cares? ! It was like she handed me the meaning of life. And at that moment, God, I believed it.
The next day I told myself I wasn’t going to check my phone. I give myself to the universe, or what does that mean? As I was sitting in a chair on the beach, my phone rang. Unknown numbers.
I ignored it.
Then it rang again. Same number. And again.
And again –
“Yes? Hello? What do you want?” I said.
“Lucas, this is COVID compliance. I tested positive. I’ll be self-curantin for the next 14 days and I won’t come into contact with anyone.”
Fuck. I became a virus. Also.
