Khloe Kardashian has recalled the shocking moment her ex-husband Lamar Odom destroyed her beloved diary.
The “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” alum reflected on Wednesday’s episode of the “Chloe in Wonderland” podcast about the “traumatic” incident in which the former athlete burned her diary in front of her.
Kardashian, 41, said she used to like to keep a diary and write about everything that happened in her life.
“I loved it and everything was in these diaries,” she said. “Then I remembered that my ex-husband had a similar experience.”
Odom is said to have been going through a “tough time” during his marriage, struggling with substance abuse issues.
“He was incredibly paranoid and would find and read magazines that he knew I always wrote about, and he was convinced that I was taking notes and sending them to the government or something,” Kardashian said.
Odom took all the diaries and threw them into the fire right in front of the founder of Good Americans.
“I remember sobbing with tears streaming down my face,” Kardashian recalled. “I could remember years of my life as I was on my knees screaming in these diaries. The diaries meant so much to me.”
Kardashian said she never kept a diary again after that.
“Because I was like, wow, that was taken away in an instant, what’s the point?” she wondered.
Although Kardashian no longer finds solace in her diary, she still believes it can be an “incredible healing process” for others.
“I wish I had these books just to see what I was thinking at the time,” she said. “That’s the special part of journaling. I don’t know if it’s been five, 10, two years, but you’ll look back and think, ‘Wow, what an idiot I was. What was I writing?'” Or, “I can’t believe it was as important to me as it was at that time.” ”
“What’s special about journaling is that you can see your emotional state, how far you’ve come, or if you need any reflection or inspiration,” she continued. “It’s such a beautiful process that I’d hate to not do it anymore.”
Kardashian said she didn’t “want to risk” the heartbreak happening again.
“I don’t want to start writing a diary again and have someone destroy it or lose it. On the contrary, I don’t want to open it again, which I will say would be traumatic for me,” she said.
Instead, Kardashian uses her hurtful memories as a lesson that nothing in life is permanent.
“I think that’s what I (realized)…You can’t really hold on to anything in this world. And maybe that’s okay,” she said. “I’ve been holding on to all these things. Sometimes I write something and then throw it away. I don’t try to replace what I once had.”
Kardashian and Odom, 46, met in 2009 and tied the knot a month after they met.
Their marriage was caught on camera on two seasons of E! She appeared on the reality show Khloe & Lamar, but their relationship quickly deteriorated due to Lamar’s drug use and infidelity.
The Hulu personality filed for divorce in 2013. The two put their breakup on pause after Odom overdosed in 2015, and Khloe stayed by his side throughout his recovery.
They finalized their divorce in 2016.
