Anthony Hopkins recalls the exact moment he realized he was an alcoholic

Anthony Hopkins is reflecting on a major turning point in his life.

While discussing his upcoming memoir, “We Did OK, Kid,” on the Oct. 25 episode of The New York Times’ podcast “The Interview,” the 87-year-old Academy Award winner shared the exact moment he realized he was an alcoholic.

“When I was driving drunk here in California during a power outage and I had no idea where I was going and I realized I could have killed someone or I could have killed myself, it didn’t bother me,” he told the outlet. “I came to my senses and said to my former agent at a party in Beverly Hills, ‘I need help.'”

He continued, “It was just 11 o’clock – I looked at the clock – and here’s the eerie part. Some deep, powerful thought or voice spoke to me from within and said, ‘It’s all over now. You can start living now. And don’t forget for a second, because everything has come for a purpose.'”

The Silence of the Lambs star recalled that the voice – which he described as “a male, rational vocal, like a radio voice” – completely obliterated his desire to drink.

“The desire to drink was taken away from me or left behind. Now there is no theory other than divinity, or the force that we all have within us that creates us from birth, the life force, or whatever it is,” Hopkins said. “I think it’s consciousness. That’s all I know.”

Looking back on her struggle with alcohol, Hopkins said that after enduring a “lonely” childhood and surviving “bullies”, she “drank to counteract whatever discomfort I had inside of me, because drinking made me feel bigger.”

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“You know, alcohol is great because it instantly makes you feel like you’re in another space,” he explained. “All the actors at the time – Peter O’Toole, Richard Burton, all of them – I remember being at a drinking party and thinking, ‘This is life. We’re rebels, we’re outsiders, we can celebrate.’ And in the back of your mind you’re thinking, ‘That’s going to kill you, too.’ Everyone I worked with has left. ”

Hopkins said she was grateful “to still be here.”

“There are tremendous challenges in life, and you realize that. But finally, as I approach 88 years old, I wake up in the morning and say, ‘I’m still here. How?'” the Remains of the Day star mused. “I don’t know. But what keeps me here? Thank you so much! Thank you so much!”

Last December, the Hannibal actor celebrated a major milestone: 49 years of sobriety. “49 years ago today, I stopped,” Hopkins said in a Dec. 29 Instagram video. “It was a lot of fun, but then I realized I was in a really big problem. I couldn’t remember anything and I was driving drunk.”

“And on that fateful day, I realized I needed help. So I got it,” he continued. “I called a group of alcoholics like me, and that was it. Sober. I’ve had more fun than I’ve ever had in 49 years.”

Hopkins’ memoir, We Did OK, Kid, will be published on November 4th.