What you need to know
Adam Sandler reflects on what it means to be an adult.
While accepting the Career Achievement Award at the AARP Film Awards on January 10, the 59-year-old adult actor listed 10 reasons why he feels “old.”
“First of all, I had to swallow Viagra the other day just to pee,” Sandler joked on stage while accepting his award. “And of course I had to call the doctor because I was peeing for over four hours.”
“As I sit there, it sounds like a semi-truck is driving over a family of knuckle-cracking, pop-rock-eating lobsters,” he continued. “Third, I only have one taste bud left on my tongue. Everything I eat tastes like oatmeal, except oatmeal, which tastes like Vaseline.”
Other relatable reasons that made the audience laugh included the Happy Gilmore star using a font so big that “anyone with a Delta window could read it” and often “having to use Dude Wipes on the pee hole.”
“Number 6, when you jump to the bottom of a pool, most of the skin on your back stays above the water,” Sandler continued into the microphone. “Seventh, at my high school reunion, I keep saying ‘I’m so sorry’ all night long.”
Sandler also admitted that her toenails no longer seem to be the same color. Granted, socks tend to look like “a box of Crayola crayons” when you take them off.
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“No. 9. The other day I called Depend’s diaper headquarters and asked them if they had ever thought about getting into the sweatpants game,” Sandler joked. “And I wrote one more in case number 9 didn’t work out. Here’s another number 9…My testicles have descended so much that I now have to walk in four shoes.”
To summarize his 10 reasons, Sander said that when he received his Academy Awards screening app, he realized that even though he had pressed play on 44 different movies, he could only stay awake for a total of eight minutes.
“To all my fellow artists who get all the accolades, I have to say I loved the first 30 seconds of all your movies,” he said.
Sandler, who never lacks for a humorous approach even when it comes to aging, ended his speech by promising to make more movies before his time runs out.
“I don’t know how much time I have left. 60, 70, top 80, maybe 90 if I start working out and taking creatine,” he said. “But I promise everyone here tonight that I will make at least 50 more movies before I die, and at least 25 of them will be good.”
