Last night, the Golden Globe Awards embraced the millennia-old tradition of Sunday as a day of rest.
Oh, how tired they are! Just minutes after the show recognizing the year’s best movies and TV series began, I was ready to hit the hay.
Instead of counting sheep, I got bored and counted stars.
Their expressions were just as fixed as mine. For the first time, I felt “seen.”
As far as these routine issues go, Groves wasn’t completely abominable. Remember the Jo Koy fiasco? However, chamomile tea and melatonin can be tackled without much time.
It wasn’t host Nikki Glazer’s fault for being lethargic; she was funny, poignant, and likable. CBS should let her continue as long as she wants.
The Ace Roster’s opening monologue included some truly scathing digs, including a quote from Jeffrey Epstein that managed to get the show canceled.
“There are a lot of A-listers here,” she said. “And by A-list, we mean ‘heavily edited list.'”
And, as everyone always does, she chided One Battle After Another star Leonardo DiCaprio’s young girlfriend for his ever-lengthening resume.
But there was more to the crack than a simple jab.
“I’m sorry for joking,” she seemed to apologize. “It was very cheap. But we don’t know anything more about you, dude!”
Hysterical. But that’s just 10 minutes of laughs in a more than 3-hour broadcast. Once the prize itself began, the event flattened out like a heart monitor in “The Pit.”
You can clearly feel the enormous burden that the long awards season has placed on the winners. They spoke like frozen zombies about to attack Westeros.
Who can blame them?
Television winners such as Jean Smart (“The Hux”), Noah Wyle (“The Pit”) and Owen Cooper (“Adolescence”) win major awards almost every month. “The Studio” won again. “The Pit” won again.
At a ceremony once known for its outrageous drinking behavior (the anti-Oscars), everyone seemed to be getting over it with jet lag, even as producers played strangely irrelevant upbeat pop, disco and hip-hop songs.
The presenters performed “Shake Your Groove Thing,” “APT,” and Outkast’s “So Fresh, So Clean.”
Correction: Very slow and very long.
Another excitement killer was that the sense of inevitability started almost immediately.
The moment Paul Thomas Anderson’s politically charged action blockbuster One Battle After Another won Best Supporting Actress (Teyana Taylor) and Best Original Screenplay, it was clear it was going all the way.
Well, it happened. “One Battle” also won Best Motion Picture – Musical, Comedy and Director. The road to an Academy Award involves no fighting, just showing up.
The night’s drama winner, “Hamnet,” although shocking, doesn’t really stand a chance.
Just 90 minutes into the show, the hottest race of the night for Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy, was already over.
First-time winner Timothee Chalamet (‘Marty Supreme’) beat out DiCaprio, Ethan Hawke (‘Blue Moon’), George Clooney (‘Jay Kelly’) and Michael B. Jordan (‘Sinners’). Timmy is sure Charu will win an Oscar as well.
The same goes for Jessie Buckley, who is extremely skilled and won the Best Actress in a Drama category for her role as a grieving mother in “Hamnet.” Rose Byrne is great in “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You,” but the indie film is too weird for the Academy.
By the way, when “Hamnet,” in which a child dies, won the drama award, the geniuses went crazy and belted out the song “Celebration.”
Another strange directorial choice the telecast made, and you can always rely on the Globes to add in some stupid stuff that doesn’t work, was to have Variety’s Marc Malkin and ET’s Kevin Frazier chatter irritably between categories and when the stars were on stage. mute!
Give those two the ax immediately.
The never-ending trophy tour isn’t over yet. Now we have the Actor (SAG) Awards, the British Academy Awards, and finally the Oscars. I doze off one after another.
