Mariska Hargitay talks about how Olivia Benson’s journey is ‘similar’ to her own

With each season of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Mariska Hargitay has become more and more synonymous with her character, Olivia Benson. And she knows it too.

Hargitay has played the role of the much-loved SVU detective-turned-captain for nearly three decades, ever since he first took on the role in 1999.

On Saturday, October 11, on day one of AT&T’s Hello Sunshine third annual Shine Away event, Hargitay spoke about the impact playing the iconic character has had on her.

“It changed me in so many ways. I think it’s the perfect feminist story in a way, where I started out here and really grew into this character on screen and off and grew into this person. I mean, at first (I) wanted to start something, but I didn’t own or understand my power or what I was capable of,” Hargitay, 61, said while participating in the “Connecting Passion to Purpose” panel.

“And I look at it now and think, ‘I’m so grateful for this parallel experience on-screen and off-screen.'” But as this character develops into this fierce lioness with ambition and a desire for justice and a desire for her own sustainability, can she not live without trying to right her wrongs? There are some similarities with my own life. “I want to grow and change and once again understand, recover and correct my mistakes,” she continued.

Hargitay, who made her feature directorial debut in the summer with the documentary My Mama Jane, joined the Hello Sunshine panel along with founder Reese Witherspoon, The Morning Show co-star Karen Pittman and host Kellyn Smith-Kenny.

“I think I’ve changed in ways that I know and in many ways that I don’t know or can’t find the words for. Yet it’s intuitive. You can feel the change. There are very few small moments where you know you’re different,” Hargitay added. “So, you know what? I’m happy with shedding the old skin, limiting the old skin, and having the audacity to dream and be more and step into all of that.”

As for where the unwavering resilience in her life comes from, Hargitay believes two things. It’s about survival and being a survivor.

“I think from childhood traumatic experiences we learn to survive. We have to survive. So I think I navigated my own life story of, ‘How do I live in this world beyond my understanding?'” And it’s intuitive. So we figured out a way to make it happen,” she explained.

“And for the past 27 years, I’ve had the unique privilege of observing survivors, witnessing survivor stories, and watching amazing women navigate. I think gating is an innate part of being a woman…so I try to learn from those I’ve seen navigate it, and also try to embrace that and see how we’re all connected,” she said.

When Hargitay was just three years old, he survived a car accident that killed his mother, Hollywood icon Jayne Mansfield. Almost 60 years later, Hargitay brought her mother’s story, and her own, to life on the big screen in My Mama Jane.

Hargitay released the documentary internationally at the Cannes Film Festival and domestically at the Tribeca Festival in June. The project continues to generate Oscar nomination buzz as My Mama Jane continues to play at various award-winning film festivals this fall.

And although the documentary took about two and a half years to make, Hargitay admitted he had been preparing to tell this story for much longer.

“My whole life I’ve been preparing to make that happen. I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing: building the infrastructure within me to be able to tell the story in a clear and concise way while fighting all these demons,” she said. “I’ve been on this journey and it’s been cathartic and extraordinary and scary and eventful. That’s why I’m talking about strengthening myself and making sure we have the infrastructure in-house to make this film.”

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Law & Order: SVU airs Thursdays at 9pm ET on NBC, and My Mom Jayne is currently streaming on HBO Max.